In theory, I knew what a life with you would be like. I also knew what it would look like to lose you from watching my mom grieve Penny. Penny came to my mom right before my grandmother was diagnosed with cancer. She was twenty-one, which is way too young for a girl to lose her mom. Penny provided the quiet comfort that cats give after long days: unassuming, unashamed, and very much unapologetic about who they are and what they demand. Animals are the careful balance between comfort and humor that somehow always speaks to the hearts of those who love them. Penny lived for twenty-five years with my mom. She saw marriage, the birth of my brother and I, loss, and contentment. Her passing was the first time I watched as my mom cried and grieved and I knew there was nothing of this world that could comfort her or fill that absence.
Right now, your absence is so heavy and fresh that I don't know how to bear the burden of it. Any time I close my eyes I see you and I feel you so strongly that when I open my eyelids, tears are fully streaming down my cheeks. Our time with you was not long enough, but oh, how we made the most of it! I will miss they way you ran down the stairs to greet me every time I came home and your sweet responses when we called your name. Never in my life have I met a cat who grunts when he jumps from one cabinet to the other, but you were so graceful and clumsy all at once that I couldn't help but watch. Your bond with Chief was reminiscent of two rowdy brothers who believed they could take on the world. Now, as I watch Chief looking out the window, I know he misses you and can feel that you are gone. He is the one who found you. I will miss the way you peered over the stove as I recipe tested and meals at our table will never be the same. Margot taught you how to stay on your side as we ate on ours. What a special place that became for us. How will I sit there without you by my side?
I still don't understand why this life is so unfair at times. Why your ever-trusting nature meant that you left us way too soon. I know that I am so sorry for not protecting you better and for being too trusting when this world is so big. Maybe that is part of why we were so special to one another; we were able to recognize the eternal optimism we both felt for this world. And part of that I learned from you, my Sunshine Cat. I am missing you so much that I can feel it in my stomach, but I am thankful for what that means, for this love I feel for you, it will be what I think of when this world you left me in lets me stop and think of you.
To you, and for you, and with you, my brave kitty. I'll be seeing you.
Almond Milk with Rose & Thyme
- Raw Almonds, 1 cup
- Water, 2 cups + more for soaking
- Honey, agave, or maple
- Rose water, 1 tbl.
- Thyme, 1 tsp.
- A punch of cinnamon
- Vanilla, 1 tsp.
- First, soak the almonds for 24 to 48 covering them with roughly one inch of water. The longer you soak them, the creamier the milk will be.
- Drain and rinse the almonds under cold water. They will be plump and squishy.
- At this point, place almonds and two cups of water in the blender and blend on high for 2 minutes. When this is done you can strain the milk through a cheese cloth and add the rest of the ingredients.
-The left over almond pulp is wonderful to use in smoothies and baked goods as a gluten free flour substitute.
-Fresh almond milk does not last as long so it is best to make this in small batches. You can also experiment with additives and flavors.
